My Life Journey of Overcoming Selective Mutism
To celebrate World Mental Health Day I would like to share my story of how I overcame my childhood anxiety disorder to become a Fine Artist, Content Creator, confident Public Speaker, and Lead Product Designer. Last month I am proud to have been a speaker at the world’s largest software conference event, Dreamforce 2023. I hope to inspire others grappling with mental health issues relating to anxiety.
Growing up with Selective Mutism, Anxiety Disorder
When I was five years old, I was diagnosed with Selective Mutism, a social anxiety disorder that made it impossible for me to speak to anyone outside of my immediate family. It is like having stage fright in front of a large crowd, but with every single person you meet. In Selective Mutism, this feeling is so intense that it makes it impossible to speak even in dire situations. I did not speak with anyone outside my immediate family until I was ten years old.
I really struggled to fit in school as it was a social environment. I was told countless times by most people I was too quiet or shy making me think that something was wrong with me. Everyone around me could socialise with such ease and I started hating the aspect of me being so quiet and unable to be like everyone else.
Let me share a couple of experiences from my school that will help you understand the intensity of my problem:
- I once fractured my fingers playing basketball and remained in excruciating pain for the entire day but still could not muster the courage to tell anyone. I waited to go back home after school and my mom and I then rushed to the doctor.
- I accidentally once jabbed a very sharp pencil lead into the palm of my hand and my palm started to bleed. I was unable to ask for help or have the courage to ask to go to the bathroom to wash my hands. I was in pain for the entire day and waited until I reached home to clean my wound and put a bandage over it. It left a scar on my palm.
It was tough, but reflecting on my experiences, Selective Mutism increased my tolerance, perseverance, patience, and self-control.
Overcoming Selective Mutism
It was hugely challenging for me to speak with people, no matter how hard I tried. We consulted a few psychiatrists but my parents were not keen on giving me medicines at such a young age as it had a lot of side effects.
My dad, Avtar Mahajan, did extensive research about how the human brain works to understand my problem and created a plan for me. This path eventually led him to become a Brain coach, Mindfulness teacher, and ACT therapist. I worked extremely hard to follow this plan and it took me countless attempts to achieve the initiatives we set. Over time I started seeing gradual improvements which gave me hope that one day I might be able to conquer my problem. I fully committed myself to the plan which was divided into two parts.
Phase 1: We first focused on building my mental confidence to lower the barrier to speaking in front of people. I did the following:
- Visualisation exercises: Visualising scenarios in my mind of me speaking to people.
- Opening up the vocal chord: Chanting mantra loudly for a few minutes
- Increasing mental energy: Short meditation and breathing exercises
- Journal writing: Daily journal writing with weekly goals
- Practicing speaking to people indirectly: Saying the word “Hi” to a friend over the phone. Recording and listening back to myself reading stories and reciting poems. Some of those recordings were played back in my class.
Phase 2: Speak to someone in person. I did the following:
- Speaking to a stranger: Going to a small grocery store to ask the shopkeeper for milk and eggs first by using a piece of paper to communicate and then eventually speaking those two words.
- Speaking to a known person: Rehearsing one joke for hours or sometimes days and then trying to recite that in front of a close family friend. I remember not making any eye contact and after a few attempts over a period of time mustering the courage to recite the joke and I was silent after that.
I overcame Selective Mutism at the age of 10 by working extremely hard with my parents who created and helped me execute this plan. Combined with my unwavering determination and support from close ones I was able to overcome this.
Social Anxiety continued after Selective Mutism
After overcoming Selective Mutism my challenges did not stop there. I still had social anxiety and struggled with building meaningful relationships with people. For the first time, I had to suddenly communicate and connect with people through words. Socialising is a skill that is not formally taught but people usually pick up naturally when they are young and I had missed out on that. My conversations with people at school were short, I would only answer the questions they asked me. I had no idea how to carry on a conversation.
Even though my social skills got better over time by observing how other people did it, I was still a quiet person. When I was at University this feeling of not fitting in turned into me getting continuous panic attacks.
I had a few CBT therapy sessions but my problem got exacerbated as the therapist went deep into my childhood problem. After a few months, I tried a different CBT therapist however it did not help much. My dad offered to help and we started having weekly sessions where he taught me the importance of how the brain works and how to rewire your thought process. Within one year I overcame my panic attacks by doing the following:
- Daily Routine: Gym, Verbal and Written Positive Affirmations, Gratitude Journal, Daily Journal and Breathing Exercises
- Weekly counseling sessions: Setting and reviewing goals
These activities helped me change my mindset and I started accepting myself for who I was and embracing it.
Overcoming Barriers
After graduating from University I undertook several jobs and different roles. Working amongst people in a collaborative environment made me stronger, more confident, and more resilient. Alongside working as a professional artist and content creator within just a few years I also became a Lead Product Designer leading designers, closely working with senior stakeholders, C-Suite, mentoring, and being involved in hiring designers.
On June 2023 I applied to be a speaker for Dreamforce, the world’s largest software conference event at my own personal capacity. I was super excited to get selected. Getting the opportunity to speak at Dreamforce was a huge milestone for me. It is a culmination of years of hard work, perseverance, and self-belief that has made it possible for me to speak confidently on stages in front of large audiences.
Final thoughts
In life, we have two choices, either accept our current situation or take action to change it. I strongly believe that anxiety can be overcome by changing our thought process. It is extremely tough, requires a lot of self-belief and motivation, and combined with the right guidance and action plan we can conquer anything. The best way I learnt to face my fears was to put myself in situations that made me uncomfortable. I would do this over and over again until I became comfortable.
I would like to extend a special thanks to my parents, sister, school teachers, mentors, and close family friends for supporting me in this challenging phase. It wouldn’t have been possible without them.
I hope that by sharing my story, I can raise awareness about Selective Mutism and inspire others who are struggling with it or anxiety to never stop dreaming and believing in themselves.
